After Athens, Her

In this brief journey, the author unveils his most personal side through the account of several events that took place during a trip made with one purpose: to see someone again.

If the core idea, one that has always been clearly stated across all previous writings, was to encourage rationality, even when emotions make it nearly impossible, this time the author inevitably exposes his vulnerabilities by revealing his emotional side. It may, therefore, serve as something deeply enriching for readers who are searching for answers to more personal questions of their own.

And so, we continue with a first-person account:

Her.

It all began in the most unexpected way, during a trip shared by several schools from different countries, ours included. We’re talking about a time frame of six years, back when we first met as complete strangers, and any form of continued contact seemed impossible afterward. Still, after that trip, in which the groups from our countries turned out to be surprisingly compatible, I thought it was a good idea to send her a message.

Something simple, harmless, the planting of a seed that would take six years to bloom. Six years.
I emphasize the time because our lives unfolded before each other’s eyes: experiences, work, relationships, everything. Lives that kept moving forward, distant physically, but never mentally.

The main message in most writings on “self-help” is that we must reclaim the best within us. Something internal, something only we can discover. They appeal, above all, to our ability to act as rational beings.

Let’s start there.

The connection that was built between us, her and I, transcended the boundaries imposed by distance and time. It still does. I never once thought of complicating or changing what took so long to build, especially because it all came so naturally, so easily. Easy? Yes, because the secret was communication. The ease with which we laugh, understand each other, and, most importantly, share a bond that, for the most part, has been grounded in partnership.

Exactly 2,850 kilometers apart, that’s a mountain of constant communication, empathy, and above all, friendship. She is, without even being physically present, one of the best friends I have.

The foundation of any relationship may differ in small, irrelevant details, yet sincerity is always there. We were, and are, sincere. For years we considered the possibility of meeting again, and when it finally happened, it wasn’t impulsive, it was planned.

The moment to see her came. And it didn’t scare me.
If sometimes we become skeptical about how relationships might unfold, often because of real, justified fears, this time, there was no fear from either side. She made me feel at home. She simply took care of me, made sure I wouldn’t get lost, in every sense of the word, in a place where I was a stranger.

And when it comes to taking care of those she loves, perhaps she’s the best at it.

That came with a price.

The “Precipice”

Dramatic, perhaps too dark a word to describe something as beautiful as finally being able to see her, to hug her. Yet we mustn’t forget that the essence of friendship lies in affection, and that, between us, had long existed.

I had the chance to meet the small circle of people closest to her, family included. Every single one of them welcomed me the same way: with warmth, curiosity, and happiness in knowing why I was there. She is, in a way, the perfect embodiment of those people, kind, generous, and endlessly caring. They help everyone they can, and in my eyes, even the impossible seems possible for them.

And where did I fit in all this? Right in the eye of the storm. I was the “new one”, though, in truth, everyone already knew who I was.

This woman opened the doors of her life and took care of me. And I fell in love with that. Not because she’s stunningly beautiful, though she is, but because, as I’ve always said, what captivates me most is someone’s essence, their strength in daily life.

And she’s exactly that, easy to love, easy to laugh with, someone who makes me genuinely happy.

The truth is: she loves another man.
That’s my reality.

I arrived knowing she had recently been heartbroken by someone she once had high hopes for. And as a friend, given everything, the least and most I could do was to never show a single second intention toward someone I care for so deeply.

Why?

I had a conversation with her sister, the same one who was there for my first dinner and, coincidentally, for the last. We spoke about many things, but a few words had some impact in our conversation:

“In love, or rather, in life, we must not be selfish. If we truly love, we must understand that we can’t always have everything.”

And so, minute by minute, hour by hour spent beside her, I realized I was falling for someone who had been a tireless companion for years. And I can only hope that, in my own way, I was the same for her.

That last day, I realized something, our reunion, that trip, made me rediscover parts of myself I didn’t know existed. She exposed me romantically, a side I hadn’t cared much for and yet, every gesture, every glance from her eyes, made the ordinary feel extraordinary.

Hearing her speak about someone else, feeling sadness for her sadness, not anger, not jealousy, changed me.

Do I really love her?
Yes I do. Then why did I prefer to see her happy, even if not with me? That’s what friends do, after all, we root for each other.

So, I silenced my heart, though it refused to stay quiet. It gave me time instead. Time to give her everything that lived within it. To eternalize words that, at worst, might be lost, but never erased. The written words, letters directed to her, with the clear goal to make her understand what kind of feeling grew in me. 

“I shouldn’t, nor do I intend to, spend energy on something that can’t give me what I desire most. It’s dangerous, we can get stuck in time.”

It’s always easier to say than to live our words, but eventually, we realize how crucial it is to stay honest, loyal, and stripped of ego when the truth arrives. To speak what we feel, and then move forward.

And so, throughout those wonderful moments we shared, I hope she saw how much I care for her, and how I regret nothing about taking this trip alone.

The Love
(for her)

Growing up means understanding what genuine, pure love truly is. We shouldn’t cheapen the word. I’d said “I love you” many times before, affectionately, casually, but friendship deserves to hear it too.

And as my friend, she had the opportunity to hear it from me countless times during these 6 years.

However, life works in mysterious ways. During one of our long nightly walks, we both admitted how difficult it is to maintain a clean, risk-free friendship between a man and a woman. And that’s why I could never force anything upon someone I simply don’t “own”.

All I know is, I love her.

Among the many small mementos I left, one read:

“I loved you more than I could stay.”

And in a less romantic, more grounded version, I’d sum it up like this:

“I like you, in that way. The kind of way that makes one do the foolish things only those in love would. Genuinely. The kind of way that lets me be happy from afar, knowing that you are happy.

But today, after five days with you, I must be faithful to myself. The letters, the memories, they all said the same thing. If the cursed stars, which I longed to see, though it was day and raining, liked me, they would turn your heart toward this side of the world. And I’d return to you.

Because after all this, the nothingness that remains, is simply not having you.

As I once wrote in one of the many letters:

“I won’t say I’d wait forever. But for long enough. And if luck ever smiled my way, I’d make you happy.”

All of this, because of you. There’s no real “if”, because in the end, I was able to open my heart, and my love was shown in the best possible way.”

(To finish)

The author, a fierce advocate of rationality in all our actions, here reveals an intimate side, one that exposes his emotional nature and his belief in a love that is truly genuine. The raw emotion from this reunion, made him express that in the possibility of the feelings being mutual, he would return to his loved one, to stay. Maybe in another time, in another place, his efforts would leave a trace.

The biggest steps in life, most of times are the ones where faith is a part of them, and when we talk about love, there aren’t any mountains high enough to stop us from going all the way with the right soul. 

He delivers a message about the importance of expressing what we feel toward those we love, of being grateful if the feeling is mutual, and of wishing them happiness even if we are not part of it. Finishes, reinforcing the belief of the non existence of “real sacrifices”, when they are made for love.  

He promises himself to turn the page, knowing it will take time to forget, but willing to close this chapter for good. To let her go.

In the end, he loved Her.