Peace and Attachment

Every day, in softer or harsher ways, we go through a series of moments that bring us to the end of yet another day of our lives. One of the deepest goals we all share is to be at peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, and, above all, a sense of lightness when facing our own reality.

Our essence, our biological design to bond in pairs, makes us emotional beings. Affection brings out the best in us… or the worst. The moment we openly care for someone, it can feel as though we are exposing ourselves in a way that cannot be undone. It can feel as though we risk losing value in the eyes of the other person. And this only happens with the wrong people, because expressing what we feel is essential for our well being and our peace.

The problem, especially for those who have lived through painful or intense love experiences, is that caring for someone can become harmful in ways that are not immediately visible.

The constant need to be in contact with someone or the anxiety that appears when we do not hear from them are signs we should not ignore. I am writing this to offer a few reflections that may help if you want to overcome the attachment phase and rediscover your peace.

First, we need deeper introspection. If our peace is instantly shaken by the presence or absence of someone, perhaps the price of our peace is far too low. Exactly as you read it. Not in the literal sense of there being a price tag on your peace, but in the sense that life teaches us that everything has a cost, even if not a monetary one. The emotional weight someone holds in our well being can be so great that our free moments become consumed by thoughts about things we cannot control.

So the first advice is simple: if their actions do not give you clarity, do not stay.

It may feel unfair in specific situations, but we must adopt a broader perspective that covers the majority of relationships where one person gives uncertainty through their behaviour. If you step outside yourself and observe your relationship like an outsider, ask yourself: how much time does this person spend thinking about things that truly involve you? Do they even think at all? Are you carrying unnecessary weight for someone who simply does not see you in the same way?

The secret to everything is honesty. Do not force a personality that is not yours. Which is why the second advice is: be yourself, be honest, and express what you feel.

Few things hurt like hearing “no,” but that is how we grow. A “no” opens a new path, even if it is a path you must walk alone. It becomes the most important path because it teaches you to respect yourself and value those who truly show they want to give you more.

Be honest with yourself.
If you were capable of making sacrifices and showing care, but you cannot say the same about the other side, that is a sign.

When your gestures go unnoticed, or you get no answer at all, do not blame yourself. Do not believe you are unworthy of a response. Silence itself is one of the loudest answers someone can give you.

So if you know there is a postponed conversation, a postponed meeting, a forgotten comment, and, above all, a steady pattern of unwillingness to touch the things you clearly showed interest in, be the mature one. Respect yourself and move forward.

In the end, what matters is that you are at peace with what you did, what you said, and who you showed yourself to be. If it came from the heart, the next time you grow attached, it will be to someone who becomes attached to you as well.

Do not fear. Embrace the world as it is and embrace the people who appear along the way with the same willingness to care for you.

Do not freeze your life for anyone.
Focus on yourself, on your peace, and the best will come.